The lighter side...

A couple of these are very reminiscent of typical at-home banter ;) have a laugh, on me!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#1

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#2

My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?" I replied "Dust".

And that's how the fight started.....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#3

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#4

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started.....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#5

I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's how the fight started....


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#6

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I

turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's how the fight started....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#7

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station.

And that's how the fight started.....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#8

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's how the fight started.....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#9

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And that's how the fight started.....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#10

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it. He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And that's how the fight started.....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#11

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started.....
 
(excerpted from a random chain email, I did not write nor do I own the material above.)

Bravo, Jenny, Bravo.

Anyone who really knows me, knows that I am a strong supporter of positivity. Like most concious humans, I can see that the world is in a sorry state in many ways; but I try to focus on the good, and encourage it to grow. It really seems like the only way one small person like me can really make a difference.

And that's why I am SOOOO proud of Jenny Lawson right now. Jenny's one of those blessed few who has the talent to make just about everybody laugh on a daily basis, is genuinely clever and funny and, I have to say, regularly brightens my day. I was never more honoured than the day when she knighted (well, actually duchess-ed) me via twitter :) But today she made me cry a little, with the absolute beauty of her words in response to a human rights travesty that occurred not that far from us, right over there in our sister nation to the south... read about it here.

Jenny, I, like many others I am sure, thank God for you.

OMG, has anyone read this?!? (AKA the Wildrose Alliance wants to hate you)

Okay, so I don't actually have a lot of readers, so I don't know how effective this post could actually be. But have any of you followers of the Wildrose Alliance actually read their policies?

Check out their statement under the section entitled "human rights" - there is only one sentance - "strike section 3 of the Human Rights and Multiculturalism Act". Now, this act is a lengthy document, but if you read it, you'll see that Section 3 (see below for text) prohibits publications that discriminate on the basis of those pesky little annoyances, things like race, culture, sexual orientation, yada yada yada. They actually want to TAKE AWAY our protection against hate literature - because, apparently, the WA believes promoting hate is A-OK.

Headlines in the major newspapers are all speaking more and more lately to the fact that the Wildrose Alliance is taking Alberta by storm, snatching up the popular votes in opinion polls like Homer snatches up donuts. Does anyone else find this scary?

Next thing you know, they'll wanna take away our right to throw mandatory sex parties (just jokes. I actually don't think these are a good idea either - sorry hyperbole-and-a-half... you're sweet but I just don't think the idea will fly). The horror!

Section 3

Discrimination re publications, notices

3(1) No person shall publish, issue or display or cause to be published, issued or displayed before the public any statement, publication, notice, sign, symbol, emblem or other representation that

(a) indicates discrimination or an intention to discriminate against a person or a class of persons, or

(b) is likely to expose a person or a class of persons to hatred or contempt

because of the race, religious beliefs, colour, gender, physical disability, mental disability, age, ancestry, place of origin, marital status, source of income, family status or sexual orientation of that person or class of persons.

(2) Nothing in this section shall be deemed to interfere with the free expression of opinion on any subject.

(3) Subsection (1) does not apply to

(a) the display of a notice, sign, symbol, emblem or other representation displayed to identify facilities customarily used by one gender,

(b) the display or publication by or on behalf of an organization that

(i) is composed exclusively or primarily of persons having the same political or religious beliefs, ancestry or place of origin, and

(ii) is not operated for private profit,

of a statement, publication, notice, sign, symbol, emblem or other representation indicating a purpose or membership qualification of the organization, or

(c) the display or publication of a form of application or an advertisement that may be used, circulated or published pursuant to section 8(2),

if the statement, publication, notice, sign, symbol, emblem or other representation is not derogatory, offensive or otherwise improper.